Among the remarkable discoveries I made during my visit to Eila’s class were:
1. Mrs. M. wears a mic.
2. Mrs. M. speaks, through her mic, in a Happy Measured Soothing voice, and refers to the class with the words “we” and “our friends,” (as in “we don’t speak that way to our friends”) with vapid frequency. It was this eerily miked “our friends” all morning long. No wonder that it’s “fart poo pee butt butt” all evening. Now I understand.
3. Mrs. M. (I learned in the parent-teacher interview portion of the visit) is “surprised that such an independent child can’t put on her own winter clothing.” In other words, Mrs. M. does not know my child at all. My child is not by any stretch of the imagination describable as “independent.” She is ultra-dependent, and quite lazy, in a luxurious sort of way. The word Mrs. M was looking for was “intelligent,” but I think she’s been taught not to use this one. It’s a pity, because if she was willing to use it, she’d see right away that Eila is way too intelligent to bother doing up her own zippers when others are willing to do them for her; i.e. consistent character would emerge, and she wouldn’t have to be “surprised.”
4. The words to our national anthem have changed. They do shift around a bit. I remember jokes being made about this, analogies to the perpetual Canadian identity crisis. Still I was a bit surprised when it came over the P.A. and I sang (what the hell) and then I got muddled. Here are the words we used to sing when I was in school, with the changes in brackets. They’ve added God. Isn’t that weird? Or maybe they’ve added God back, you know? Maybe I went to school during a brief irreligious phase in national history.
Our home and native land,
True patriot love
In all your sons command.
With glowing hearts
We see thee rise
The true north strong and free.
We stand on guard (From far and wide)
We stand on guard
O Canada (God keep our land)
Glorious and free,
We stand on guard for thee.
Added five minutes later: another confusion. I pulled the words to “O Canada” off a website so as not to have to type them. I got, as a third line “in all our sons command,” and corrected it to “in all your sons command” because that’s what we always used to sing where I come from. But Z says that where he came from (40 miles down the trans-Canada), they used to sing “our.” And now I see that every “official” website has “in all thy sons command.” Thy? Has anyone actually ever sung that?