Random thoughts loosely connected to moving through physical space

1. I can read a map, and fold a map. These are skills of which I am perversely proud: proud because I know not everyone can do it; perversely because it seems pretty simple to me, like everyone should be able to do it. But I do have to hold the map pointing the way I’m going. And the funny thing is that I am always traveling South. Fortunately, reading upside down is also one of my areas of expertise! But, hey, is this weird, holding the map the way I’m going? Should I be ashamed? Does it have anything to do with the fact that I don’t know left from right, and have to look at my hands and THINK before I can situate myself on the left-right axis? And does that, in turn, have anything to do with the fact I skipped grade three? Or is it just a personal stupidness?

2. Speaking of left and right, Z points out, with his usual depth of insight, that all sentences that end with the word “left” are immediately followed by the word “right.” The simplest example would be: “Turn left.” “Right, okay.” More complex examples might involve figurative usage, along the lines of: “I count myself a member of the left.” “Right. But what about your stand on abortion?” He swears it’s a universal rule: if “left” closes a sentence, the next word is/must be “right.”

3. Have I mentioned the fact that I REALLY hate it when I’m standing on a street corner and a driver motions me to cross in front of him? Drivers think this is courtesy, but it’s not, emphatically not! It’s pushing me around. What if I want to stand on that corner thinking about philosophy? What if I’ve paused to sneeze? What if I don’t feel like hustling my butt across the road directly in front of two tonnes of metal that could kill me? It’s my right to stand there! I’m a pedestrian, and the privilege of a pedestrian is that I don’t have to follow rules, I don’t have to go when the light is green, I can do whatever I damn well please! And you know why this is my privilege? Because, unlike you Mr. Driver Man, I am not encased in a great huge metal weapon! I am free! I am as nature made me! So just go, okay? Do whatever it is you’re going to do! Because you know what? I’m not an idiot! I know you think I’m an idiot because I’m not in a car, and only an idiot would be not in a car, but in fact it is not the case. I am smart, and I know what you must do, and I’m counting on you to do it. In fact, I’m counting my steps, so I can dodge you, and go behind you while also narrowly avoiding being hit by the next car coming down the pike. I am totally in control of the situation! Just as long as you don’t stop the car and frantically wave at me, interrupting my reverie and my traffic dance with your so-called courtesy. Okay?!!


2 thoughts on “Random thoughts loosely connected to moving through physical space

  1. If you’re holding the map the way you’re going it means that you are aligning the map’s North with the planet’s North. I like to throw a compass onto my map and use it to confirm that it is correctly aligned.

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